This morning I had my pre-operation appointment, the final appointment before the surgery. Once again, the reality that this is really happening is setting in. After going through all the possible worst-case scenarios with the surgeon, my excitement is GONE. Here I sit after sharing my story, receiving so much encouragement, and yet I can't believe I am asking myself, "Am I making the right choice?" Other recipients have assured me of the emotional roller coaster that accompanies this process, and I certainly hope this is the most frightening part of the ride.
I spent some time this evening re-reading the notes that were sent to me when I initially posted the blog. Many included comments regarding my courage. Tonight, I depended on those notes because I feel anything but brave. I've also been watching a video of my four year old daughter, Claire. I recorded it last week, when she came in my bedroom unable to sleep, and we discussed my upcoming surgery. We then fell asleep watching her new favorite show on the Food Network: Diners, Drive Ins, and Dives (there is no relevance to including this other than I find it funny). Anyway, like all of the encouraging notes, this video of my daughter quiets my doubts and rebuilds my courage each time I watch. I hope you like it too.
I spent some time this evening re-reading the notes that were sent to me when I initially posted the blog. Many included comments regarding my courage. Tonight, I depended on those notes because I feel anything but brave. I've also been watching a video of my four year old daughter, Claire. I recorded it last week, when she came in my bedroom unable to sleep, and we discussed my upcoming surgery. We then fell asleep watching her new favorite show on the Food Network: Diners, Drive Ins, and Dives (there is no relevance to including this other than I find it funny). Anyway, like all of the encouraging notes, this video of my daughter quiets my doubts and rebuilds my courage each time I watch. I hope you like it too.
Good lord, okay....I don't need another reason to cry this week! That video is so sweet. Those little Fisher girls can heal hearts can't they? When you are unsure, Pam, remember that your bravery is teaching her so much about how strong women act in the face of fear. You are doing the right thing...one of my favorite quotes is something that Hillary Clinton once said, “Faith is like stepping off a cliff and expecting one of two outcomes- you will either land on solid ground or you will be taught to fly.” Good Luck Pam!!
ReplyDeleteTHAT is a good quote and I also love Hillary! Thanks for writing. I'm thinking I should create an inspirational collection of quotes and song lyrics that have been sent to me. They really help.
DeleteAnd Claire's sweetness certainly helps too. We are lucky, Logan, to have these little girls when our perspectives become "muddled" (how appropriate!) with negative thoughts and irrational emotions. This week, Claire's focus is on one day becoming a nurse and I can see that. Maybe one day she literally WILL heal hearts.
Clairebear could not have said anything better. She is such an inspiration. I want to hug you both so much.
ReplyDeleteI figured I would post a video of her before her teen years when everything changes. But for now, she really is sweet. In the last month or so, she has taken it upon herself to be "Mom's advocate." When a friend at her babysitter's house said something to me and I couldn't understand, Claire looked at her and said, "My mom has trouble hearing sometimes. You have to say it again." She is also now answering the phone on my behalf... I had to put an end to that, though, because of people calling me for job interviews. But I know she means well.
DeleteThinking about you as you enter this life-changing moment.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Naftali!
DeletePam, its Lia from AZD! I just watched this video teared up a little at your darling baby girl. She's too cute. I'll be thinking of you!
ReplyDeleteSo nice to hear from you! I still follow all your coolness on Facebook and Pinterest. You're fabulous! Thank you so much for your kind words and thoughts.
DeleteYou are truly an inspiration Pam. You are so lucky to have such an amazing, supportive family to stand by your side during this tumultuous time. No matter what the future holds, I have faith that you are capable of embracing it and living life to the fullest. I wish you only the best and will pray for you.
ReplyDeleteLove you- Shannon Gillis
This made me cry. I appreciate this so much. THANK YOU. I wholeheartedly accept your prayers and love, and I will remember your words when in need of patience and courage. Looking forward to experiencing life to the fullest very soon!
DeletePam, this is beautiful. She is precious. My prayers for your successful surgery are on the way. Sara
ReplyDeleteThank you for your prayers. That means so much to me.
ReplyDelete